Historically a “trophy wife” has been defined as a woman having great physical beauty and rarely if anything did they possess more. In other words, but for that women’s beauty, she would probably be on the unemployment line right along with the masses. Don’t just take my word for it, anyone who has watched Basketball wives, Real Housewives, or Football Wives can attest to this. Are there exceptions to the rule, sure. But I’m pretty certain, Chris Brown and several others didn’t date Draya Michele because he valued her immense intelligence. Like most dating, trophy wives (like the elite men they date), come with a tradeoff. But is this a trade-off men are no longer interested in?

The article suggests yes. In this article, the author interviewed an array of very accomplished newlywed men who were a part of what’s considered “power couples” and asked them what was they found most attractive and sexy about their spouses who they considered as “trophy wives.” In every case the men stated that what they found most attractive was their spouse’s success and ability to bring just as much to the table.

Beauty and financial security are anything but that—secure. Beauty will one day fade and when it does what will be left to sustain your relationship—surely not intelligent conversation. Rather, men are taking seriously the likelihood that their financial security is not guaranteed and are seeking women who can contribute financially to supporting the household. And given the fact that the number one cause of divorce is financial problems, this may be a wise decision. Additionally, women of our current generation are more successful within the corporate arena than ever. This fact is even more prevalent in the black community where recent data reports state that black women are graduating from college three times the rate of black men. So what do you think? Have you found that as you’ve matured, you’ve begin to bow down to brains over beauty?

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Most women, if given the opportunity to emasculate, WILL do it, and any female who denies this is lying.

There I said it. Even good caring woman, like yours truly, if given the appropriate doormat – WILL stomp their muddy goulashes all over that thing and then ask our girlfriends to make sure their boots are likewise wiped in appropriate doormat fashion. And it has nothing to do with being an “overly aggressive” or “independent black woman who doesn’t know how to treat a man.”

It’s rooted in the idea that most PEOPLE will do what they can get away with. It’s human nature. Think about it….If someone constantly said yes to your every command, lets you speak to him in any loud or disrespectful manner, never set boundaries on what he would or would not allow in the relationship, let you come home at 2am in the morning without question, and when you came home, had a bouquet of flowers, a new pair of stilettos and a home cooked meal ready, would you say “No babe, take the stilettos back, this time you were right?” or better yet “Babe, if you do all these things all the time, I will take them for granted?” Of course not, and if you said yes, please stop reading immediately. DMVBlackSingles does not take a liking to liars.

Therefore, if emasculation is to stop, Men (not women) must be the ones to change the behavior. Otherwise, the woman will continue the process of emasculating that man, secretly seek and form real relationships with men who will not allow it, and ultimately leave the man who thought he was just being “sweet.” And what will this scorned man do? Well he, like many others will incorrectly continue the fallacy that nice guys finish last.

So what is the difference between the nice guy and the doormat? Simple. A nice guy demands respect and then is sweet to the woman who recognizes his masculinity and respects it. His sweetness is a byproduct of that woman’s respect and if he isn’t given that respect he is willing to walk and most importantly- that woman KNOWS he is willing to walk.

A doormat, by contrast, is the man who is sweet in order to gain a woman’s respect. He will do everything and anything in order to get into that woman’s good graces hoping that one day his ways will translate into respect. See the difference? The nice guy knows his worth and is willing to lose that woman if she doesn’t recognize the same–the doormat isn’t. The nice guy is willing to have your bags packed at the door with the gourmet meal he made on top of it the next time you come in at that time, while the nice guy will make you the meal in order to prevent you from leaving.

Moral of the story: If you found a woman you like and you really want it to go somewhere, you have to be willing to lose her. No woman respects a man who is afraid to check emasculating behavior, make demands, and require respect. Better to lose her than your masculinity.

This blog is brought to you by Melissa

The latest trend has been to date someone first, progress into having sexual intercourse, and then entertain the idea of getting into a relationship. As I recall my memories of high school, the first milestone was to get the digits and work towards dating. After a few successful dates I would ask her to be my girlfriend. Finally after months of dating, progress into sex. In fact sex only came after pronouncing the big “L” word.

Looking at my adulthood experiences, the order in which the three occur has changed. As the case with one night stands which many of us have had but hate to admit, sex comes first and if its good enough, the two may begin dating. Very few times this situation progresses into a relationship. Next there are the people that go on a few dates, maybe even just one, and move into having sexual intercourse. If the introduction of sex into the situation doesn’t ruin the connection, an official relationship evolves. Finally there is the traditional, politically correct approach that we were socialized to follow as youth. Meeting someone, dating for a while, becoming official, and finally sex. I find it very rare and I wonder why.

People say it’s the 21st century and things have simply changed. Individuals are far more liberal and sex has become an activity of pleasure, not an activity of love. Basically people do whatever feels good.

My theory is that when we meet someone we exchange contact information because we are attracted at a physical level. We then date to see if the other person’s personality attracts you just as much as the person’s physique. Next we progress into sexual intercourse to a) see if there is sexual chemistry and b) make sure the person you got to know before the sex when it was simply dating doesn’t transform into some crazy psycho or annoying bug-a-boo. Finally if all is good after all of this, we start considering making it official.

To summarize, as a youth sex held the highest value but over time it has lost its value and thus has been thrown into the mix to please us physically instead of fulfilling two people in love with each other emotionally. What is your view on sex and its value? Do you think having sex casually without an official title has been beneficial or detrimental for you progressing into committed relationships or has it not had any impact at all?

A Woman’s Perspective
After speaking with a few women, I started hearing something that I’m not sure is completely true: that its stroke – not size that matters. I mean so often, we men hear stories of the man who lost out because he just wasn’t packing enough, or overhear you with your girlfriends talking about “Ohhh girl, he was packing.” If size doesn’t matter than why is it discussed so much? I discussed this with my girl the other day and she says that size is essential in the sense that the man has to have something nice to work with- not necessarily porn material but a good sized package. If a man has size, can stay up and wants to please, the rest will come. Ladies is this true? If a man is decently packing you can work with him to get the sex to the satisfaction level where you want it? What about a man who got screwed by the gene pool, are you willing to work with a man that is incapable of satisfying you with his “tool” but can do that “rollercoaster” thing with his tongue that gets you off? I even heard females who put most emphasis on foreplay. So what is it? Because right now the expectation is looking like a man must have a 14 inch third leg, a porno stroke, lifetime channel foreplay, be able to caress his fingers through your hair, look you in the eyes at the same time and oh lets not forget stamina. Am I on point or have I missed something ladies?

The Man’s Perspective
This is a lot easier for me since I know what has been good for me over my history of sexual encounters. A woman that knows what she doing in bed is a biggie. I like a woman that when I get ready to hit it from the back, she arches her back just right and say to me “get it daddy” ☺ Or, she tells me to lay down and she bout to rock me right to sleep. Men like a woman who is engaged, a woman that’s vocal, and knows how to feed your ego during sex. A woman telling me how I’m putting it down will keep me coming for more time and time again. Next a woman has to get “wet.” I don’t mean to get a little X rated but I’m putting out there. No man likes to go into something that is dry. But there are fixes for that like KY women so if you know your stuff can be dry at times, then please keep the KY in the bathroom cabinet. A woman being tight or loose has never really bothered me much but maybe I am not the ordinary. Lastly, I like a woman that can take deep penetration. So many times I’ve been doing my thing and the woman puts the brakes on me. She starts wrapping her legs around me or putting her hands on my hips trying to restrict how deep a man goes. Why ask for size if you can’t take it ladies? So now I turn the question to the fellas….did I capture everything?

We’re taught that change is a natural part of life and that all change is good. But is it? What happens when, as said by Ellen Gladgow, “all change is not growth, as all movement is not forward”? It can be quite the hard pill to swallow. What’s even worse is that we are the very beings most capable of this type of change; change that is both inevitable and sometimes without warning. Knowing this to be true, how does one commit to someone in marriage when both parties will, without a doubt, transform over time? How does a couple survive such a transformation that could leave them both completely different from the person their partner initially fell in love with and were attracted to? And what is the incentive to stay in a committed relationship (specifically marriage) when this happens?

I was having an in-depth conversation with a friend who married her high school sweetheart in their early twenties. They were the couple everyone admired, were role models to the youth at their church and accomplished in regards to educational background and budding careers. Having grown into adulthood together for the better part of six years, she said that marrying him was the one thing of which she was sure. She was marrying her best friend. They knew each other like the back of their own hands. Alas, their marriage lasted 18 months. The reason: her spouse turned into a person who no longer freely and openly communicated with her as he did many times before. Gradually, he grew cold and quiet – not just with her, but with family and close friends. And eventually, she discovered he’d been unfaithful. Damn.

I can’t even imagine finding the one and then discovering you’re not their only one. You’d have to be crazy to stick around – like you belong in an asylum, crazy. How do u sincerely commit to someone knowing that they’re going to change, without knowing what they’ll change into? Conversely, how do you know they’ll want to remain obligated to the changed you?

Not all people cheat. I believe this. However, affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples and the number one cause of divorce is infidelity. With that in mind, if cheating is so probable in relationships should we learn to accept it when it happens and adapt accordingly? Should we agree to open relationships so that both parties acknowledge that stepping outside of the relationship is a possibility or do we hold out for the slim chance that our relationship will be different?

I really don’t mean to sound like a pessimist. I’m merely thinking like a twenty-something single female who occasionally has doubts of commitment and struggles to make sense of it all. Of course, I want to be in a long, committed relationship, but the line between being committed and well, committed is thin. There are a lot of questions raised, none of which I can answer until I’m faced with the situation (God forbid). Nonetheless, I’ve found this prayer to be of solace, “God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” -Author Unknown.

Blogging as the author of “uLive.uLove.uLearn” since 2007, Natalie Wright is a 20-something single woman who has had her share of dating experiences. Penning the name, “Ms. Wright,” she shares her encounters, those of her closest friends and her dedicated readers, with a touch of wit, in an effort to enlighten and offer a laugh. Friend her at www.facebook.com/MsWright20 or follow her at www.twitter.com/MsWright20.

1. Be APPETIZING and APPROACHABLE
Sounds simple right. We get so many questions from people that have neglected their appearance and personal hygiene wondering “Why ain’t nobody interested in me?” Are you serious. Take time to invest in your appearance. If you don’t look good TO and FOR you…..there’s a good chance you won’t look good TO and FOR somebody else. ONCE you get yourself “so fresh and so clean” please put yourself in places and situations where you have the opportunity to be approached. Don’t be “the recluse” questioning why you can’t get a date. Get off the couch and get out the house. BE APPROACHABLE. Make eye contact. Dance by yourself. Allow someone to buy you a drink. If you want to be approached….BE APPROACHABLE.

2. Be INTERESTED and INTERESTING
This is essential when you are entering into a relationship with someone because it sets the tone for your relationship dynamic. Notice we put “BE INTERESTED” first. This was intentionally done because generally speaking other people want to feel valued in a relationship. Therefore if you express interest in their hobbies, work, dreams, etc. you are lifting them up and indirectly saying “you are important to me”. Who doesn’t want to feel important? After you express interest in …….BE INTERESTING. One of the worst things in the world is to feel like you HAVE to talk because the person you’re dating has NOTHING to talk about. So BE INTERESTING. Share your hobbies, opinions, and dreams. If done carefully and respectfully this will definitely get the conversation going and keep it flowing.

3. Be CONFIDENT and COMPOSED
It’s exciting to be in a relationship with someone that knows “who they are”. Someone that is comfortable in their own skin and that exudes self assuredness is often seen as sexy and has a unique command for attention. You want to be that person. BE CONFIDENT. Know who you are and your inherent value to the world. While being confident…please BE COMPOSED. When you lose your composure and allow confidence to become cockiness you can definitely lose “cool points”. Cockiness has a way of coming off as narcissism and can definitely END a budding relationship. Remember… people want to date people that are self assured…not self absorbed. So BE CONFIDENT and COMPOSED.

These three tips will put you on the right path to creating opportunities for new relationships. We always say if you want something different in your life you’ve got to do something different in your life. So while dating please remain balanced by being APPETIZING and APPROACHABLE, be INTERESTED and INTRIGUING, and last but not least be CONFIDENT and COMPOSED. By taking this approach you will feel better about YOU and the possibility of finding new love.

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