So yesterday I met up with an old female friend of mine to catch up. We are both single so the majority of our discussion revolved around relationships and challenges of dating. Not to say that dating is not fun but there are challenges when you are seeking something meaningful. She’s a beautiful, professional, and Christian woman. She does not have a list such as Chile, she’s willing to look past most physical imperfections (except for man boobs and a gut. lol), and she has a lot going for her.
So she was explaining to me her frustration with the reoccurrence of finding men that say and act like they are into her but in time they run away. They often give her the line that they are not looking for a relationship right now because they are focusing on their career. Oh, and one other fact, she has made the commitment to God to practice celibacy until marriage. She asked me for my opinion as to why this continues to happen. My first response was that even though they said they were ok with practicing celibacy till marriage, they really weren’t. My thought was that no man is going to own up to saying, “I like you but I have to have sex in order to continue dating you.” I mean that’s cool that a man wouldn’t waste a woman’s time because they need to work toward their career goals but I’m a man and I know if that one comes along that I really want, I’m going to find a way to make it work with that woman and maintain the progression in my career. But she says that her being celibate was not the issue.
So my questions to the fellas: Are the demands you are faced with in trying to advance your career so intense where you can’t fit a good woman into your life? If so, what is your view? Do you believe there are so many good women out there that you will find the perfect one when you are ready? Are you willing to accept that in the process of focusing solely on your career that you may miss out on that perfect woman? Women, have you had a similar situation? If so, tell me your thoughts.
In this episode of “Truth Paste,” James Hannah addresses what he considers a serious phenomena among women in the dating arena: average women walking around with dime mentalities. According to James, a lot of women are using the number of men who approach them as a barometer for how hot they are. As a result, average looking women start to develop “dime” mentalities and demand more of the men they date then what they actually have to offer themselves. But what about those women who are actual dimes but have other flaws? Is James suggesting that these women are more entitled to quality men just because of their physical appearance? No worries ladies, James addresses these women as well. Using Chilli from TLC as an example, James explains that although Chilli is very attractive, she is still 39 with a kid and because of that she needs to downgrade her dating criteria.
Could James have gotten his message across in a less insulting way? Sure. However, as blunt, vain and critical as his message was, I have to say, the man has a point. So many times, I hear men AND women throw out a laundry list of items that they require of a potential mate , i.e. He/She has to be XX height, look XX way, have XX job and have XX personality. However, most of the time, we aren’t able to reciprocate the very things we ask for. If you have a beer belly or a high school diploma then how can you insist that your potential mate have washboard abs and a PHD? To say that I see this ALL the time is an understatement. Salary requirements are a prime example. The other week, I heard a girl on the train say that any man she dates has to make at least 6 figures because she worked hard for what she has and wants to live comfortably. What blew my mind is that she herself didn’t make that. How can a person possibly require more than what they have to offer?
So am I saying that cute people should only date other cute people and the rich should stay within their own? Absolutely not. But what I am saying is that you should take a realistic look at your own circumstances before imposing a list of unrealistic benchmarks for the people you date.
