Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
IF YOU HAVE NOT VIEWED THIS, THEN PLEASE STOP READING AND VIEW THE VIDEO BEFORE CONTINUING.
For most of you, men and women alike, this question is all too familiar. In fact, I can almost guarantee, that at one point in time, each of you has debated this topic at some social gathering with friends—or maybe even in the context of your relationship. However, no matter how hotly debated or complex the question may first appear, I submit to you that the answer is not nearly as complex. It’s quite simple, actually. “NO.” Still not convinced? Well don’t just take my word for it– ask any single, self-respecting, educated, professional woman this question and I guarantee that you will receive nearly identical responses. Okay…so I’m still sensing a little resistance here. Let’s do this. Just to make sure we are all on the same page, let’s define the term “nice guy.”
As the video phenomenally points out, there is a common misperception that nice guys finish last. And because of this, men are making an effort to go out their way not to be that guy to females. However, this misperception is just that—a misperception. Women LOVE gentlemen. Just ask any female. A man who makes a woman feel loved, protected and cared for is sure to finish first. Find me a man who is respectful, considerate and does everything in his power to show me that I am appreciated and I’ll show you 101 women fighting to have him. However, nice does not equal pushover and oftentimes the two are equated. While women do love a “nice guy,” we do not like men who are clingy and overeager. The key word in gentleman is MAN. Females want a nice guy with enough confidence in himself to not need us to define himself. We want a respectful man, but one who is strong enough to make decisions. And yes, we may give you a little resistance at first, but at the end of the day, we are turned on.
When people ask me why I am so attracted to black men—it is just that. I think that black men have mastered the art of being the nice guy without being the doormat. Yes, they will open the door, carry bags, help me when I need assistance, tell me how they feel, but when I get out of line (and trust me, I will), I can always count on them to stand their ground and have a backbone. Are there exceptions to every rule? Of course! But, it is the rule, not the exception, that is the subject of this blog.
Enough of what I think, what do you think?
I STRONGLY agree. Who doesnt want a “nice guy”. The problem is that the majority of the nice guys are taken by one of those 101 women fighting for them. If there is a waiting list for a nice guy, id like to be placed on it immediately!
Comment by Cheavon — February 27, 2010 @ 2:50 pm
I would say that nice guys don’t finish last they are attracted to the wrong types of females. I have many guy friends that are “nice guys”, but they tell me that they are attracted to the “less polished” females because they don’t ask for more then what he is willing to offer, her expectations are lower then more polished females. I think that for so long men have had so many bad encounters and have not spoken up and have just taken it so they feel like they have finished last.
Comment by Pharice — February 27, 2010 @ 2:58 pm
Not sure if we finish last but people take kindness for weakness, the old phrase comes to mind, he is too nice. There is no such thing as being too nice, what has happened is that people have become accustomed to people treating them like jerks so when they meet a person who is cool with them or treats them in the manner they desire (but don’t really expect) they freak out and don’t know how to act. So yeah sometimes us nice guys do finish last but my take on it is this, my Grandfather always taught me that when a person is doing the right things they will not be popular but when they are doing the wrong things they will have all the friends in the world. And having a wall of friends means you will never finish last.
Comment by Andrew — February 27, 2010 @ 3:27 pm
I agree 100%. I love a chivelrous gentalman but I can’t stand a pushover. If I see a man is a pushover, if he will do any and everything I ask and allow me to speak to him any kind of way, he either ends up in the friend box or out of my life, period. I know I’m a strong professional woman and I know I have my moments when I can step out of line. I need a strong man that can be firm and let me know I can relax, he’s got it. I don’t always have to be the that strong independent woman, I can be submissive. Nice guys definitely do not finish last in my book.
Comment by Tiki — February 27, 2010 @ 4:43 pm
I think that you make some really great points and I think that you’re right. However, I think that you are right from the POV that everyone has the same level of tolerance, level of need, level of independence, etc. So at the end of the day one womans idea of mean may be another womans idea of sarcasm. I’m sure the dude who your friend couldn’t stand will find someone that appreciates his overbearing nature as long as he’s confident in who he is. A girl I was just dating after maybe two weeks started sending me texts about if ‘I missed her?’…maybe he can date her, because I won’t be. It’s about preference. Be confident in who you are and what you stand for and everything else will fall into place. If you’re confident you’ll never disrespect others because there will be no need to. What I believe happens is people begin to transform themselves into the people that they are not meant to be, to become someone who society keeps telling them that they should be. Be confident in who YOU ARE and the right people will come into your life. If you’re Nice, if you tend to be an ass, whatever. Either way I’d rather finish last as me than first as someone else. Isn’t that why Marion Jones had to give back her medals?
Comment by Corey — February 27, 2010 @ 5:59 pm
Lets get one thing straight. Most women DO NOT seem to know what they want. You say you dont want a pushover but someone that will set u straight? Unfortunately, the backlash men have to deal with after setting a women straight is not worth it. If you talk to me sideways and I check you on it then there is a argument. That is a no win situation. Stay single fellas until you find a women that can truly handle a nice guy cause most cant. Peace.
Comment by Rod — February 27, 2010 @ 9:52 pm
I think that one thing thats important to take in mind when talking about this subject is the mindset of the women on the other end who turned away these guys who were considered “too nice.” I’ve been told that I was too nice before. It had me stunned. I was so confused as to what I did wrong. But I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t me at all. Soon after, another quality black woman came along and found me to be the man of her dreams. Nothin about me changed. I was the same down to earth, ambitious, fun guy. With neither girl was I so open with my feelings. I never was the type to be clingy. Thats not me. And Im easy to have fun with. I think the main difference was the background and mindset of the two women. The first one was used to dating the thug type and flashy guys. The other was used to dating the educated gentleman type. I remember after I got done dating that first chic that told me I was too nice, my sis told me that the chic would grow out of that phase in a couple years. Its true, women have to mature into wanting a guy that treats them right. The first step for a woman is recognizing a good man. One contributing factor to the slew of professional good looking women that are in their 30’s and single is that this maturation and being able to recognize a true gentelman doesn’t come until all the guys they once considered “too nice” have been taken by 1 lucky female of the 101 women fighting over them. I am a very confident black man and I will continue to be me. Not gonna go outta of my way to be a jerk. Not gonna be anything other than who I truly am. There plenty waitin in line for what I have to offer.
Comment by Paul — February 28, 2010 @ 12:46 am
Have you ever considered that maybe what a man’s idea of nice is differs from a females idea of nice? You there Rod? Go ahead and ask those females who you were “nice” to, why things went wrong, and I guarantee that its not because you were “too nice.” Sometimes men and women have a hard time accepting the fact that someone may just not be that into you. And it has absolutely nothing to do with u being too nice or not nice enough. Ive had men tell me in the past “Oh, Melissa, you just dont like me because im too nice.” And that wasnt true at all. And the men I dated after him are perfect examples of how untrue that was. Take it from a female. We know what we like. Do some females date jerks? Of course. But there is an equal amount that date good guys. And Ive dated jerks in the past as well. IT had nothing to do with the fact that they werent nice. I dated them because they had other traits (which i wont mention here) which made me overlook the jerk. So if u happen to be a nice guy and it doesnt work out with a girl, think outside the box. It may just be that you guys didnt connect and had nothing to do with you being too nice. Every nice guy has finished FIRST in my book and in most females i know. The nice guys that dont finish first are those that are pushovers or those where we just werent into them.
Comment by Princess — February 28, 2010 @ 12:51 am
If only reality was like that princess.
Comment by Rod — February 28, 2010 @ 3:40 pm
A female needs to know that the man she is with can take care of business if the need arises. I see that men (women do it too) go for looks first. (I have seen) Men seem to go for the loudest thing moving with skin tight clothes on or one that is letting it all hang out, clubbing, drinking and just in some cases ghetto. I am also a professional female with a strong personality and I know what I want, I am willing to move on somethings, but there are deal breakers that are set in stone. A man that can’t manage his children, his finances, his career that is an issue. I know that I enjoy the company of a nice guy as long as I can see that he has something to offer other than being nice. I am interested in a gentleman that has something to offer that I compliment and compliments me. There is no perfect person, but to tell a man he is “too nice” is a cop out. Females need to be gentle, but honest and let men know where they went wrong dealing with them. I have a guy friend who is a “nice guy”, but he lacks motivation, he is unemployed and is not really working to do better, he sleeps in the basement at this brother’s house on two children’s matresses. Do I date him because he is a “nice guy”? NOPE sure won’t. A female should have standards and she should stick to them. He can be a nice guy but he has to be a MAN too. Be a leader.
Comment by Pharice — February 28, 2010 @ 7:12 pm
I really just need to video blog my response…it some much more to this…
Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last, we just let imposters run first. I’m a nice guy, period. And NO being a nice guy is not even about being a pushover at all. I swear this “man thing”…this “be a man thing” is such subconscious emasculation! I think I needs to stop. Because I swear women are mixing marriages principles into “dating relationships” and we men do it to. And it causes all this confusion.
Date Diva you just mixed a husband, with boyfriend/man (you’re dating), with a boy all in one blog. You mentioned responsibility, a thug, and taking care of family. Boys are clingy hence his maturity level of the man you used in your example.
Furthermore, as for your friend that wasn’t even a relationship! That’s was “fling” that was clinging! That was initial attraction, physical attraction, and it was a vacation. There was no substance there, no time built to the point you call that a relationship on vacation with someone you just met. That’s what 5-7 days, maybe. She should have been turned off and put off. That was not a nice guy, nor was he gentleman. And being into a woman has absolutely nothing to do with being clingy.
Black relationships will stay in the same SAD state as long as Black women continue to have these discussions about Black Men and their plight without including BLACK MEN in the talks! My sisters you are icing skating uphill…and you don’t have us figured and we don’t have you figured out. But WE are not talking to each other. That’s why too many Black women are single! “We” don’t communicate! You sitting around talking to women in the same boat. It’s like 2 crack-heads talking about they are going to help each other quit.
The date Diva clear said “I’m talking to my DIVAS. I want to hear back from females.” uhhh they don’t have it figured out either…
Comment by Cory — March 3, 2010 @ 4:22 pm
I think that guys have to understand that there is something called a middle ground. I dont want a thug fresh out of the pen and I definately do not want a guy who calls me every 5 minutes. Both get old very quickly.
As an independent woman, I too like my man to be independent and balanced. I love a man with confidence who can tell me to sit my butt down (respectfully) and I listen. Much like the video, a man who can respectfully take charge is well on his way to getting a “Cookie” Coupon. When on dating sites, I ignore and immediately delete an email that simply says Hi. Where is your form of conversation? Plan to tell me your name? Is English your first language? The same holds true for the guys that send me an email immediately requesting my personal email, my phone number or messenger accompanied by their life history. This to me shows desperation. You didnt specifically get to know me then deemed me worthy of having that information, you put it out there to a ton of females hoping that one would bite…desperate. Both examples could be very nice guys, but neither of them showed me any signs of chivalry, something that I love, nor did any show confidence, communication, or that median of backbone that women love.
So No, Nice guys do not finish last, they just get caught in the mix of which side of the macho fense they want to play on rather than walking straight down the middle.
Comment by Ms Story — March 25, 2010 @ 11:49 am