IF YOU HAVE NOT VIEWED THIS, THEN PLEASE STOP READING AND VIEW THE VIDEO BEFORE CONTINUING
By now, most of you have heard of Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” where Steve Harvey offers women much needed insight into the male mentality. According to Steve Harvey, “no matter how good you are to a man, no matter how good you are for him, until you understand what his makeup is, what drives him, what motivates him, and how he loves you…you will be vulnerable to the games he plays.” For most females who have read the book, we liken it to the “holy scripture,” our “go-to guide,” our “where have you been all of my life?” And men…well… you either hate Steve Harvey and the very ground he walks for breaking the male code of silence or you think the book is a load of crap. Regardless of your position, I think there is one topic that Steve Harvey discusses in both the youtube clip and his book that is worth discussing: The meaning of a title.
In this video, Steve Harvey suggests that men do three things when they are really into a woman: profess, provide and protect. For purposes of this blog, we will focus only on the first: profess. In short, its Steve’s position that if a man really loves you, that he will give you a title—an official one that extends far beyond “this is my friend,” or “this is _______ (insert your name here).” The idea is that if a man truly has feelings for a woman, he will claim you and if any man tries to convince you otherwise, he is just trying to keep you around until he finds a woman that is worth the title. So many times females try to make excuses for being in “relationships” going on 6 months, 1 year and even more where the man will not even claim the female as his “girl.” The excuses range from “a title means nothing,” “he considers me his girl without the title,” or my all time favorite: “he just doesn’t like labels.” Have you considered that maybe and just maybe—he’s just not that into you? Yes there is the possibility that it will take more time for his feelings to come into play, but if its been over 6, 9 or worst–12 months, then I guarantee you, he’s not claiming you for a reason. I too have been guilty of making excuses when the reality was that if a man really wanted me to be his, he would profess. Why? Because no man likes the idea of knowing that a woman who he is TRULY into is available to other men. He will want you all to himself and he will want the world to know that you are his.
Enough of what I think, what do you think? I think that an OPEN and HONEST discussion on this will give men and women a better insight into the mentality of the opposite sex.
As much as I disagree with alot of the premise of his book, he is right. Its not so much the thought of a title but just that the title lends an air of authenticity, that you two belong to someone in particular. Its one thing to give a lady a title or better once she has earned that title but more if she respects that title. You can call or say that a woman is your girlfriend all you want but unless she respects what that means it amounts to mothing.
Honestly the other two things he brought out are just as important that a man wants to profess provide and protect. Those are all old school traits that are out of favor, but yet they are important. Nothing like holding hands with your girl, and not your friend.
Comment by Andrew — March 10, 2010 @ 1:40 pm
I disagree. I had a discussion with my male friends about this yesterday. It’s not necessary a title, but acknowlegement. Titles basically means obligation. You can still do the same thing with a person and be happy whether there is a title ther or not and vice versa. Just because you are titled girlfriend/boyfriend, doesn’t mean that person will not cheat on you. They still will. If a person truely cares about a person, they will acknowledge you in different ways. For example, if someone shows interest in them, they will say, well I’m seeing someone or I’m not interested.
Comment by Jennifer — March 10, 2010 @ 11:24 pm
This comment is for Jennifer. Its definately true that what matters most is how a man treats you. Titles, whether it be “girlfriend” or even “wife” do not prevent ppl from cheating. However, that does not change the fact that when a man is not willing to give you a title, it means something. If he is treating you great and the two of you are really hitting it off, then think about it–why is he not giving a title to the relationship? One reason and one reason only–he does not want to be an a committed, exclusive relationship with you. He wants to keep his options open because he is not 100% about what the two of you have. Of course, if you ask this man why he wont put a title, he’ll feed you the lines every man feeds “what should matter is how i treat you,” or “its just a label..we know what we mean to each other.” But the truth is, as great as a man treats u–if hes not willing to label it–its a bad sign and females need to wake up and realize that.
Comment by admin — March 11, 2010 @ 12:38 am
If 2 people really want to be together a title would be mutual!… I hate to say it buy my generation is responsible for the doubt. Its the digital age when everything is online, and we all multi-task are schedules, our life, we have cell phone for anyone to get in direct contact, we don’t slow down, we even text while we drive. You can send an email from a fake account and mask you identity, you can cheat over skype and take trips across the world to meet up with a mail order bride. We have so many options why would we just pick one!. Why would you just pick one, you can get a woman/man any size, background, status, education, goals, color etc at a point and click. The old school traits that Andrew said are being diminished, there is no incentive to open the door for a lady she is just as a man as he is. She goes to college, she works, she brings home the bread, and then if you listen to the music she is a HOE, she just a body not a human, so he’s mad because she makes more then him and he can’t respect her with all the brainwash he listens too. Shoot women are to blame too.. saying men aint shit… I have too many thoughts in my head and I can’t write them all down.. But basically I feel a title should be given to a relationship that is not caught up in the world, and those two people have an understanding and they can break away from their work or studies and still come to a common ground. They have to be ready for eachother and with all the options out here waiting for a man to make you his Girlfriend is a waste of time, because he is prob just holding you until he finds something better or he decides he wants his Ex back. Hey you live and you learn, its possible but unlikely.
Comment by Nicole — March 11, 2010 @ 3:31 pm
I think a title isn’t a bad thing. I used to go out with a lady and when she came to town and we attended an event I would introduce her as my lady. As far as I’m concerned there’s a lot of disrespectful things going on in today’s society so when I introduce her as my lady I’m making two things clear to whomever I introduce her to. 1. She’s with me any approaches for contact with her whether it be for a dance or conversation comes through me. 2. I’m letting her know who she is to me, were not hanging out, she’s not my friend (though she is also) and what we have means something. of course there’s the number 3. which is if someone steps out of line they will get their asses kicked.
If a guy or a lady feels that they want to introduce the person their with as a friend or this is ______ (fill in the blank) then don’t get upset if you see someone sliding him/her a number.
Comment by Dwight — April 12, 2010 @ 5:16 pm