IF YOU HAVE NOT VIEWED THIS, THEN PLEASE STOP READING AND VIEW THE VIDEO BEFORE CONTINUING
Okay men… before you start agreeing with the narrator in this video clip or secretly praising him for saying what you always wanted to say to women on this issue, let’s give his opinion some background. As most of you are aware, the 90 day rule originated from Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” where Steve Harvey offers to educate women on everything and anything that they need to know about men. One piece of advice that Steve Harvey offers women is to wait 90 days before they become sexual intimate with a man that they’re dating. Yes, I said THREE ENTIRE MONTHS of sexless courtship. Unsurprisingly, this rule has caused a movement among several horny single men who vowed to convince all the temporarily celibate women out there that the rule was pure B.S. Rather these men stand firmly by the contention that how soon you give it up to a man has no bearing on how a man will view you. But is that true?
The narrator in the video clip is clearly a part of the “Early Sex” movement. He argues that if a man’s feeling you then it doesn’t matter whether you sleep with him on the first date or the 91st date. Rather, he states that if a man’s true intention is simply to sleep with you then it doesn’t matter when you sleep with him, he will dog you even on the hundredth day. The theory sounds good on paper, but I’m not sure how true it is in practice. I agree that if a man is a just trying to “get it in” then yes, how soon you give it up will have no bearing on where the relationship goes. However, I’m not sure if the theory applies to men who are truly looking for a little more. For example, let’s say a man who is open to having a committed relationship meets this insanely attractive, intelligent, and charming female—you know, the ones they sing about in music videos. And let’s say that Ms. Music video and Mr. Looking for a relationship have an amazing first date. So great that he has visions of walking her down the aisle and making her the future mother of his kids. As he pulls the car to a stop to drop Ms. Music video home, she invites him upstairs and the rest is….well you know–history. Are you telling me that this man will still view this woman as wife material? Or rather, will he now wonder how many other men she gives it to that easy?
I’m not saying that women should wait 90 days (because I know I couldn’t). But what I am saying is that if you give it up to early to a man who is open to a committed relationship, you are opening yourself up to the possibility that he will now view you as just sex. For those of you thinking, “no that’s not true,” or “why would he judge if he’d doing the same thing,” I offer you a little piece of reality: Dating is a double standard. There are certain things that men can do that we simply can’t. And while we can spend days arguing about how unfair it is, the reality of the matter is just that- it’s REALTY.
Well enough of what I think, what do you think?
Well, I have no idea what the male perspective is about waiting for sex but here is my opinion… 3 months is a good amount of time to wait. It takes that long for me to feel comfortable with someone to move to that level. Nowadays with so many diseases out there and with the latest statistics of the DMV having high rates of HIV, I am not in a hurry to sex anyone! I prefer for both parties to be tested for STD’s and share the information AND to be in a committed relationship. The committment should come before a sexual relationship commences. There is a certain maturity that I am looking for in a man and that man should be able to understand where I am coming from. It is scary out there! If he doesn’t want to wait and/or doesn’t want to get tested then he doesn’t want to be involved with me. So, my rule is not based on a man’s perception of me but rather on the society that I am dating in. It just doesn’t make sense to give it up to someone you don’t know.
Comment by Maiya — April 12, 2010 @ 3:56 pm
Well, first of all, this “90 day rule” did not originate with Steve Harvey. That has been a suggestion that has been around for a looooooonng time.
I disagree with the statement in the video that the 1st or 90th day doesn’t matter. I feel that most men (and have heard this from my male friends) would not take a woman who sleeps with them on the first date seriously or see her as wife material.
There needs to be enough time for the two people to be comfortable with each other and also (of course) enough time for both people to get tested for ALL sexually transmitted diseases TOGETHER. At the 1st date, I would assume that there isn’t an opportunity to get tested and it may take some time before the two people get comfortable enough with each other to have the testing discussion. This is crucial in the DMV. If you don’t think it is consider this (especially on the first date): would you knowingly have sex with someone who is HIV positive even if you are using a condom? If not and you don’t know your partner’s status, you shouldn’t be sleeping with them.
Comment by Sheryl — April 12, 2010 @ 7:14 pm
The guy in the video mentions that if a man’s going to dog you, he’ll do it day one or day 90. I don’t think that a guy who just wants to have sex with you will stick around 90 days. Because in those 90 days, you have to actually talk to and date that person, and a guy who’s only in it for sex will not want to invest time into dating you and being with you.
I think that sex should be for people in exclusive relationships. Now if you’re someone who gets into relatonships quickly, maybe the 90 day rule isn’t for you. But I think that being in exclusive relationships take time. Sex is usually something a female does to let a man know she’s feeling him and wants to be with him. Therefore feelings on her part are there. So if you aren’t exclusive, the man if free to have sex with any and everyone he wants with the understanding that none of the females have the right to be upset about it because they aren’t exclusive and therefore he doesn’t have to answer to them about who and what he does. So females should have a period, whether it’s 30 days or 90 days where they are getting to know the person, and deciding if they should be in an exclusive relationship with this man before having sex with him. And if the man dogs her after that, then at least she doesn’t have to feel like an unpaid whore because he slept with then left.
Bottom line, it takes time to get to know someone, and if you don’t know them, you shouldn’t be having sex with them. It’s more than sex, it’s your life, and you could be ending it early with risky sexual behaviors.
And to agree with Sheryl, Steve Harvey didn’t invent the 90 day rule, but he does suggest it. Remember Joan on Girlfriends also had her 3 month rule.
Comment by Jacqui — April 13, 2010 @ 1:00 pm
I hear most of you women say sex should only be in committed relationship. With 70% of black women being single, how are you getting your needs met? Just Curious.
Comment by Darryl — April 14, 2010 @ 4:14 pm
I think it is best to get to know someone first. You may find something out about the person and be thankful you didn’t have sex with that person.the reality is sex is more important to people its like that’s what matters more than love to some people.
Comment by llovely — July 27, 2010 @ 5:40 pm